First midwife appointment

September 19,2018

Today we had our first midwife appointment. The entire appointment and process seemed so scary compared to our experiences we have been spoiled with until now. At our fertility clinic, we knew all of the doctors and nurses, they were all fighting for our success, we knew where we would find parking and when, the office was generally pretty empty, and overall it was an extremely comfortable setting. Today was in a hospital, which is already an inevitably uncomfortable setting, there were TONS of women and children in and out within the one hour we were there, the entire process seemed so rushed, we were already nervous about how we would be received as a lesbian couple that got pregnant via reciprocal Ivf (that part ended up going really well, so no complaints there), the parking was slim pickings, and overall it was just a very hospital-Esque feeling. Though, I will admit, our midwife is fantastic, and we felt very comfortable with her, so I feel fortunate there, but we are just missing our team at Poma!

However, we did get to hear baby’s heart rate today. The midwife said it was At about 160-ish, and it was just such a relief to hear that our little bean is growing healthy and strong in there! We are eager to find out whether this baby is a boy or a girl, not that it matters in any way, but we are simply curious, and I am especially eager to get through this first trimester and spread the word to our friends and family.

I know some of my friends have stumbled upon our blog much sooner than I expected. I didn’t expect anyone I know to find this, but Instagram must have done the “people you may know” thing, because I got a text message from a friend saying congratulations. Jessie, if you are reading this, I am sorry this is how you found out! I never anticipated anyone we knew would stumble upon this and find out this way. We had every intention of sharing our blog with everyone interested in reading our story AFTER our announcement, and we simply wanted this outlet as a means to document everything without forgetting, while also connecting with other people going through similar experiences without having to out ourselves so soon in the pregnancy. All the same, we are so fortunate to be so close to exiting the first trimester. Every new milestone is worth celebrating as nothing is ever promised, but we are so excited to celebrate this little love with everyone! ❤️

Second ultrasound

August 30,2018

Today I am 9 weeks pregnant, we had our second ultrasound, we got to hear little loves heartbeat, we graduated from our fertility clinic, and it’s also my nieces 22nd birthday! So many big milestones in one day!

Our little love was so incredibly adorable to see today, and while we are so sad to leave our fertility clinic and the amazing team we have had through this clinic, we are so excited to be meet our midwife and meet new pregnancy milestones!

We think we have names picked out for the baby depending on the gender, which is really exciting! And hopefully within the next month or so I’ll start documenting my body changes with photos.

I have no new symptoms, but nausea and heartburn took me out yesterday. I’ve had probably a handful of bad days with nausea since being pregnant, but I’d say yesterday was probably the worst. I felt better today though! Everyday is different! My boobs are still slightly tender, but nothing like they were in the beginning. I have felt entirely useless the last few weeks because I have just been utterly exhausted. I’m hoping the nausea and exhaustion will life by the second trimester so I can get back into working out regularly.

Eri and I are still in a bit of disbelief that this is all happening. Each time we get to see our baby or hear their heartbeat it becomes more real, but it’s just just so unbelievable and so so exciting. I am already so in love with this little bean, and I’m so eager to meet them, while also trying to savor this entire experience.

I feel so fortunate for the privilege to carry this baby. I do not take a single day for granted.

We are still only 9 weeks in, but it’s already such a beautiful journey!!

First ultrasound

August 13,2018

Today was our very first ultrasound and we saw a heartbeat!!!!!!

Although I’ve been tired, randomly nauseous, moody, and averted from foods I love, I have been so worried about this ultrasound. But…we saw a HEARTBEAT!!!!

Oh my gosh. Such an amazing feeling!

Our doctor said our sac was measuring a bit big, but that it was better it be bigger than too small. We are still nervous (are you ever really not nervous anymore?), but we are so much more relieved knowing there is actual life inside of me right now! Ugh. We are so in love! I cannot wait to meet this little person!

Beta #2

August 1, 2018

We received our second Beta results on Sunday July 29th at about noon, and we were ECSTATIC to hear that they had risen accordingly! From 145.9, our numbers rose to 602.6!

Both of our families officially know we are pregnant, despite the fact that it’s still really early. We have warned everyone that it is still early, and that anything can happen, but we have no reason to believe anything will go wrong. With that being said, we remain cautiously optimistic, and our first ultrasound cannot come soon enough.

I cannot wait to see that little heart beat. I think that will make this a little more real for me. I FEEL pregnant-exhausted-alllll the time, napping for hours each day, hungry all the time, heart palpitations, and an almost constant dull ache on the left side of my uterus. But I’m still somewhat in a state of disbelief, so I simply cannot wait to see our baby!

BETA #1

July 26, 2018

We tested every day up until yesterday-8dp5dt, and every test has been positive! This morning we finally had our BETA test with the doctor, and despite the fact that my nerves nearly had me vomiting on the way to the doctor, we finally got confirmation at 1:30 this afternoon that WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!! We are so excited and cannot believe it! Our beta was 145.6, and we go back Sunday for our second Beta to make sure our numbers are rising accordingly. Im still nervous. We are still cautiously optimistic, but we also can’t help but be so excited!!!!

I just pray we get great news Sunday, but I think that with each new milestone there will come a brand new worry. In fact, I’ll probably continue to worry about this baby until they are married and having babies of their own. Bring on the constant worry.

But it’ll all be worth it. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mommy!!!!

Home pregnancy test

July 23,2018

Today is 6dp5dt. To be honest, from the first day after our transfer, I swear I started feeling symptoms. I’ve literally napped every day since the transfer (napping is not something I usually do unless I’m sick or REALLY tired), I had mild cramping/aching pretty low, my boobs have been super sore, and I have been way hungrier than usual. I know progesterone can cause all of these side effects, so I’ve chalked it up to that.

Three days post transfer, eri and I couldn’t resist the urge to use the only pregnancy test in our home to see if there was any possibility of a positive test. We were given the pregnancy test as a gag gift on our wedding day from my best friend and maid of honor, Emmy. The test allegedly expired in February, we knew it was WAY too early, and yet, we tested anyways….BFN(big fat negative). We were not disappointed, because we knew the likeliness of us receiving a positive was really low.

However, we had fed the monster and all we kept thinking about was testing again. That was Friday morning. We finally decided to test again 5dp5dt, which was Sunday. I peed on the stick first thing in the morning, and immediately the negative sign showed up. However, this time a verrrrrrry faint line came up to make it a positive. Only, we were in complete denial. We kept claiming it had to be an evap line, because it was so faint.

Later, we were out at the store, so eri picked up a different kind of pregnancy test to try again. We spent the rest of the day at the beach in the sunshine with friends, but when I returned, before hopping in the shower, I decided to test. By this time it was about 4:30pm, and that positive pregnancy test was as clear as day!!! I cannot believe we got two positive pregnancy tests!!! We know it is still REALLY early, so we are trying to remain cautiously optimistic, but now we cannot help but feel so much hope and excitement!! I just pray that our BETA comes back with a really good number!

Embryo Transfer Day!

July 17,2018

Embryo transfer day!

Our transfer day has already come and gone, and we are officially in the two week wait (TWW)! As we approached the day of the transfer, Eri and I kept walking around in a state of disbelief. How on earth are we already to the transfer portion of this journey? How has this already been going on for 5 months? How are we already almost pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO)?! We just couldn’t understand. And now that we are here in the two week wait, we are even more stunned by how real all of this is. How scary all of this is. And how fast all of this has gone.

I have been ridiculously positive and optimistic throughout this entire journey, and yet, here we are, potentially pregnant, and I can’t seem to feel anything but excitement and freight all jumbled into one emotion. I want this so badly. WE want this so badly.

Our embryo transfer day itself has been probably my favorite day of our journey so far. While I woke up tired and cranky, and even allowed nerves to overcome me for a short while, by the time we were almost to our doctor’s office, I felt a bit better. I was especially relieved once we arrived, because there was nobody in the waiting room but us (I love when that happens)!

We were informed that our doctor was running a bit behind, so I told them I was going to empty my bladder and start over(you’re supposed to have a full bladder for the procedure, and I had been driving and drinking water for well over an hour at that point), and they thought that was a great idea. One of our favorite nurses tried to take us back to the lab portion of the building three times-failing every time. We got quite a kick out of that.

We joked with our nurse about her failing to get us an available bed in the back, and then the receptionist at the front desk decided to start asking us questions about sperm and how we obtained ours. We are always pretty open about discussing our journey to parenthood, so we had no problem answering her questions. Along came another woman whom we had never met, Nancy, who worked in the drug department hahah. I can’t remember her job title exactly, but she overheard our conversation about sperm, and decided to show us a picture of her on a sperm bike from a conference she had just attended. While we all shared a laugh about this, our IVF nurse overheard our laughter, came out, jumped into the conversation, and even provided pictures of a sperm sink from a difference conference that she had once attended. We were having so much fun! It was a great way to relate with these people that are helping us obtain our dream of being mothers- a nice break from the usual formality and professionalism of the office.

Shortly afterward we were taken back. I was so thrilled when the doctor told me that Erika could join me in the transfer room! I had assumed I’d need to go in alone. After we geared up and got ready, they took us back to the room attached to the lab. The other doctor Came out, introduced himself, talked with us a bit about our embryo, and the procedure began. We were able to see our embryo on one screen, and then watch on another as it was Inserted into my uterus. It was absolutely fascinating. Science is SO COOL!

Afterward I was required to lay down for 15 minutes before I could get up. I did that, used the restroom, and we headed home. I napped a bit in the car, came home, and stayed In bed all day.

I’ve basically been on bed rest all day today, too! I’ve been up and down, but I’ve done very little like use the rest room, prep food, wash dishes, etc.

I’ve had some aching and even some cramping today, but of course, it’s probably just the recovery from the transfer procedure itself. I know I am hyper aware of my body right now, but I’m trying to remain cautiously optimistic, and dismiss any feeling I may be having. Truthfully, even if I THOUGHT I had implantation cramping, or even if I SEE implantation bleeding, it literally won’t mean anything to me until after our pregnancy test. Oh man, this is going to be a long two weeks 😉

Erika’s Egg Retrieval

July 16, 2018

Erika (Eri) has her egg retrieval on Thursday July 12, 2018, and we still can’t believe how that all played out. Despite the fact that my wife had already witnessed MY retrieval, and had a much better idea of what to expect than I had, her nerves consumed her. In fact, our amazing nurse took her vitals once we arrived, and her heart rate was at 112!! 😳

Luckily, they got her back pretty quickly, and they had her out of the procedure even faster than that!

A few days before the retrieval the doctor had said he expected to retrieve 9 eggs, but I was blown away when he told me he retrieved 14! (Remember, I had developed a huge ego when I thought my 10 eggs were impressive—who am I kidding?!)

I didn’t contain my surprise or enthusiasm, so the doctor had to remind me that he expected 9, and he can’t be sure that all 14 are mature. All the same, we were thrilled with the numbers.

By Friday morning we learned that of the 14 retrieved, 13 were mature (!!!!), and 9 had fertilized!!!! We were officially on standby to find out if we would have a day 3 embryo transfer on Sunday, or a day 5 embryo transfer on Tuesday.

Saturday’s phone call assured us that the embryos are developing and maturing phenomenally- “rocking it” as the embryologist said. And we would shoot for a Tuesday transfer!!!

Provided are some pictures from Eri’s retrieval. Her IV had to go in through her hand since her veins are so little and stubborn, and as a result, there was a bloody mess everywhere (don’t worry, I didn’t capture that).

However, less than 40 minutes later she was high from anesthesia, and so very happy! Haha

Pre Retrieval

July 10,2018

We are getting closer! We were originally scheduled for a potential egg retrieval for today (Tuesday), but eri’s left ovary is not making the production they had hoped to see, so they pushed it back a little longer. Tonight she finishes with her trigger shot, for a Thursday morning retrieval!

Poor eri has been giving herself injections for about 14 days. She has had to inject herself with much more than I had to, and for much longer, and the meds are taking their toll. She is visibly uncomfortable, irritable, and agitated. And reasonably so!

As of today we are looking at potentially 9 eggs for retrieval, but just like my retrieval, you can never really know.

We still are not sure what day our transfer will be, but for now I’m still on my 5 units of lupron injections each morning, and the estrogen patches along my lower abdomen that are switched out every few days.

I am assuming I will begin progesterone Inserts any day now (so not looking forward to that!), and already look forward to the end of those.

Eri and I have been to our doctors office basically every day for at least the last week. Our doctor is in Kirkland, while we live on an island north of there-making our travel time anywhere between an hour and an hour and 45 minutes (like this morning. Gross!). Yesterday we had to make TWO trips to the office.

We absolutely LOVE our doctors, but we are feeling burnt out from our 5am wake up(s) for our 7am appointments.

That’s it for now, but here are some pictures of some of the injections eri has had to tolerate throughout the last few weeks!

Time Flies!

June 22,2018

This week I put my two weeks in at work. There has been so much going on that my work simply cannot be as flexible as we need for all of this fertility treatment, so we decided it was time for me to leave. However, I may go back after we get pregnant.

Eri is just a few days away from starting STIMS, and I am about a week into my leupron injections. More importantly and incredibly, we are about three weeks away from retrieval and transfer, and 4 weeks away from our blood test results that will tell us whether we are pregnant or not. Ahhh!!! We are so close yet so far away!

We cannot wait! This entire process seems so surreal! We have wanted this from the very beginning of our relationship, and now we are in it, and it is just flying by. If this pregnancy sticks we could literally be less than a year away from being parents! Unbelievable! Oh, god, I hope this first attempt takes! I cannot wait to meet our little people!