The Prospect of Parenthood

The idea of parenthood has always been something that my wife Erika and I discussed from a (probably) abnormally early phase of our relationship.  We come from very different backgrounds and families, but that never shied us away from the similar dream of one day being parents.  Erika grew up with just one sibling-an older brother, and a few cousins within the same age range as her and her brother.  But only one of those cousins has gone on to have a child so far.  And ultimately, her second cousin is  basically the extent of her exposure to children throughout her life. That’s not to say she doesn’t like children-just that she has very little to no experience with children.   Until I came along, that was.  On the other hand, I have four siblings.  Two older brothers, an older sister, and a little sister.  There is an exceptional age gap of about 12 and 19 years between my oldest siblings and myself, and a slightly larger age gap of about 14  and 21 years between the oldest siblings and my younger sister.  My older siblings had children from arguably early years of their lives, making me an auntie by the age of 4.  I have always had children around my life, and I have always had a love for all of them.  In fact, my siblings and my parents used to call me “Mama Kate” from a very young age, as I was always carrying the babies around, assisting with potty training my niece when i was only 8 or 9 years old, trying to teach them to read and write, and we even have photographic evidence of me changing my nieces diapers at about 7 years old.  I love children.

fullsizerender23

There I am holding the neighbor across the street.  Not sure of my age here.  Maybe 8?

By the time I was 16 years old I was a part-time babysitter for a family, while finishing High School.  I spent any free time I had “working” for this family.  I grew to love this family like my own.  Later I worked as a live-in Nanny for this same family when they moved from Albuquerque, New Mexico where I grew up, to Gaithersburg, Maryland.  I went on to work as a Live-in Nanny for a family in Texas with infant twins a few years following that, and my work in between consisted of hopping around different states, trying to figure out where to land, while also working as an assistant teacher for Pre-schools, and eventually running my own classrooms for Pre-schools, too.  Needless to say, I have quite a bit of experience working with children.  Because Erika married into my family, she also now has  a total of nine nieces and nephews.  She loves kiddos, too.  And I think it is safe to say that Erika is slowly but surely getting her practice in.

img_2113

img_2141

All of my siblings with MOST of their children.

Like I said, the topic of having our own children is something we have discussed from the very beginning.  Having a family is so important to the both of us, and as we are now married, the idea of putting this conversation into plan becomes seemingly more and more real with each passing day.  Initially I was the more eager of the two of us to get the family train moving.  But it seems like each week my wife is becoming more and more anxious herself.  Throughout the years we’ve talked about basically every option we have for starting our family:  Adoption, IUI, IVF, At-home insemination, Reciprocal IVF,  using a known donor(you might be surprised by how many people have offered to donate their sperm to us.  That’s an incredibly generous offer!) , purchasing sperm from a clinic, purchasing an anonymous sperm donor from a clinic, purchasing an open sperm donor from a clinic…the list is seemingly never ending.  And that is not even the tip of the iceberg of this discussion.  If we go the IVF route, and we have frozen embryos after having x amount of kids, do we throw those embryos away? Do we sell those embryos?  How much sperm do we buy so all of our children could be (at the very least) half siblings (depending on whose eggs we use)? Which then leads to the question “whose eggs do we use?” From here we consider what fertility clinic we will use, what cryobank we might use, and that’s not even considering the TYPE of donor we might want to use.  Brown hair, blonde hair, red hair…blue eyes, brown eyes, green eyes…tall, short…intelligent, musically inclined, or sport enthusiast?  HOLY CRAP!!!!

Seriously, the list is probably never ending.  And as we consider the prospect of parenthood more seriously each day, week, or month, these questions become more of a reality.  We have to make these decisions.  These are no longer hypothetical questions!  They are real life questions that WE have to decide on in order to get the process started.  With all of that being said, I have personally never wanted anything more than to become a parent.  I’ve known from a very early age that I was born to be a mother.  Sometimes the idea of it scares the crap out of me.  Will I be good at this parenthood thing? Will I be enough?  Can I possibly help create a decent, kind, intelligent, member of society?  I haven’t always had the best relationship with my own mother (not to say it isn’t getting better everyday, but still!), so whose to say that I can be a good mother myself?  But then the next minute I think about the overwhelming desire to be a mom.  Every ounce of my being was designed to be a mother.  I can’t explain it, but I can feel it(Can anyone else relate to this?!).  And if I fail, then at least I have my amazing partner. ;).   She will knock parenthood out of the park.  I have literally zero doubt about that.  image-1

And even with the inevitable stress and worries, we are so overly excited about all of it.  The decisions may seem daunting now, but eventually they will be a distant memory from the past.  These are all somewhat reasons that I chose to start this blog.  I hope these (what might seem like pointless) blogs might be available to our children someday.  Perhaps they can read about the calm, quiet, simplicity of our lives before they arrived, but just how much they were wanted.  Maybe our journey to parenthood will provide gratitude for their lives that neither my wife or myself can relate to, because we were brought up in families that did not have to try nearly as hard as we will to create a family.  Maybe these blogs will be nothing more than an annoying “mom thing” that we do that our children will not appreciate until much later into their adult lives.  Maybe these blogs will simply be documentation for my wife and I to look back on to help us remember the journey we took to make our family. Maybe in the years to come this will be the perfect reminder for us that it all started here-with just the two of us.

image-11

Photo by: Cooper Rain Photography

I’m not sure where this will take us. I just know that for now, it’s a place I enjoy using as a safe outlet to store my current state of existing thoughts.  And maybe someone will be crazy enough to read it, too!  If that someone is you, then thank you for reading!!!  Please send some baby luck in our direction, as the upcoming months and years will certainly call for it!

Meet The Furry Morgans!

One thing that Erika and I instantly connected on, was the level of love we had for our animals.  I came into our relationship with my dog, Polaroid, and Erika brought into our relationship her dog, Riley, and her cat, Mia (AKA “Meow meow”).  Together we unexpectedly rescued our other cat, Kona (AKA “little meow”).  Our fur babies are our whole world.

Polaroid and I have a fairly unique story, because…as some people might say, I stole him.  You see, I had somewhat been on a search for a furry companion for months prior to his arrival.  Members of my family kept telling me that I did not need a dog, because I did not even have a home of my own, I was a full-time student, and quite frankly, my life was a hot mess.  I could hardly care for myself, let alone a dog or puppy.  Despite everyone’s concerns, I was eager to find a furry companion to call my very own.  I had once lived with a roommate that agreed we could get a puppy, but by the time I was ready to move out, it was blatantly obvious that Ollie-Pop was his dog and not mine.  She loved him so much, that there was no way I could tear them apart.  So, after moving out, I was determined to find my match.  I’m a strong believer that a person does not choose their pet, but that the animal chooses their human.

A few months after moving out, I was searching day in and day out at animal shelters for a dog that “spoke” to me.  Eventually I found one and made a call about them, but later found out that that particular dog came as a package deal with another dog; They absolutely could not be separated.  I knew taking on a dog would be a big responsibility and immediately recognized the responsibility of two dogs, and ultimately decided to walk away.  I was down on my luck-convinced I would never find my match.  Until one beautiful, glorious evening when I had gone over to my former sister-in-laws house to hang out with her (Her being Erika.  Yes, my other brother’s first wife was ALSO an Erika; Making it a total of three Erika Morgan’s in our family) and my niece (Erin) much like I did almost every evening.  My niece had two adorably tiny and fluffy puppies there.  Of course I squealed and nearly died from all of the cuteness, but most importantly, I almost instantly felt a connection with Polaroid.  Of course, his name was not Polaroid at the time, as they had literally only been in our family’s possession for a few short hours, but nonetheless, I instantly loved him.  Don’t get me wrong, ANY 8 week old puppy is easy to fall in love with, and I obviously “oo’ed and awe’ed” over his litter-mate and sister (later named Sketchez), too.  But it was days later that I realized just how different mine and Polaroid’s connection was.  Anytime I came and went, he greeted me excitedly, followed me around, and cried and waited at the door whenever I would leave.  And my behavior was changing, too.  I HAD to see him everyday.  And usually several times a day, at that!  I would come home between my classes just to make sure they got play time and potty breaks.  I would come over every evening before and after my workouts just to cuddle, feed, and play with these two.  And eventually, I was asking my niece if I could borrow the two of them (and then later just Polaroid) for sleepovers at my house.  He quickly became my best friend, and my favorite companion I’d ever had.

I mean, cuteness overload, am I right?!

I decided to quit drinking about three months after Polaroid came into my life, and as a result, I sadly lost a ton of friends during that time.  Polaroid truly became my very best friend.  At one point, Polaroid and I even went on a camping trip to the Grand Canyon for three nights and four days.  Just the two of us.  And we had a BLAST!fullsizerender15Yes, I am THAT person.  Don’t judge me!!!

Anyways, the story goes, we had formed this undeniable bond.  My former sister-in-law, Erika and my niece Erin knew it, too.  But I doubt they ever expected what would happen next.

The three of us went on a road trip to Washington state for a wedding. I surprisingly stayed behind to hang with Emmy (the roommate mentioned in my blog post “We are new to this blogging town”), which later resulted in me moving to Washington to be her roommate.  But before that could happen, I HAD to have my buddy, Polaroid with me.  I basically gave Erin and Erika the notice that I would be getting him and taking him with me.  I think my niece, Erin probably still holds a bit of a grudge about this, but you know, if you were to ask her today, she would likely tell you that Polaroid and I were meant to be together.  Or, at least I HOPE that’s the response she would give you! HAHA!  I’m kidding.  Erin and Erika still get to see Polaroid when they come to visit :).

SO, Polaroid and I packed up, and headed to Seattle!

Three months later, we met Erika and Riley, and our lives changed forever!

Erika had a somewhat similar experience with Riley.  She was going with a friend to pick up a puppy they had found online for $50.  When they arrived there were just two puppies left.  The one going home with her friend, and the last one without a home(Riley).  I’ll have to have Erika write her own version of her intense bond with Riley, but in a short version, and from my words, the similarities are uncanny. As they too, are the very best of friends.

As Erika and her friend were about to leave, Riley jumped onto the leg of the woman selling the puppies, and the woman somewhat shooed Riley away and said “No, they don’t want you.”  My wife, being the compassionate animal lover that she is, said she would be back with $50 if that puppy was also for sale.  She obviously was, and Erika returned with the money and later unexpectedly returned home with Riley.  Unfortunately, we are going to have to dig up some pictures of Riley from when she was a puppy (Erika didn’t obsessively take pictures of her and store them to social media the way I did.  Sheesh, what was she thinking? ;P) So, they will be added later.  But here she is-our sweet schnauzer-shnoo  img_2367

I NEVER thought I could ever love another dog even remotely close to the way I love Polaroid.  But boy, was I wrong!  Riley and I had a rough start, but now we are the best of buds.  She is my gal, and we are one big happy family!

fullsizerender16fullsizerender19fullsizerender18fullsizerender17

And finally, to our cats, Mia and Kona.  Erika had rescued Mia as a kitten from a shelter on the island we live on about 6 months before the two of us had met.  By the time I had met Mia she had just stopped sucking on her own nipples.  Yes, you read that right; Mia used to suck her own nipples.  Please email me if this is something YOUR cat does or has done, because I am pretty convinced it’s the most unusual thing I have ever heard of, and I’m not sure it’s considered “normal”.  haha!  Anyways, Mia was home alone a lot by the time Erika and I had started dating, because Erika worked a lot, and then would drive down south to where I lived, too.  She was NEVER home.  Erika had even considered getting rid of her at one point, because she felt the life she had provided for Mia was not fair to her.  I will write a separate blog about that, because….it is QUITE the story!  Mia is a BEAUTIFUL, hilarious, and loving cat, but she is also the strangest cat I have ever known.  I’m pretty sure Mia thinks she is a dog about 97% of the time!  No joke!  Here is “Meow Meow”.  img_2472

Erika and I were overly satisfied by having three animals and no more for our little three bedroom, two bathroom house, but Erika’s grandma captured stray kittens from her backyard and insisted we take one.  And have you ever tried saying “no” to a grandmother?  It’s basically impossible.  So, alas, we got the runt of the crew and named her Kona.  She was wild then, and she is wild now.img_2471  Although, she sure does know where her home is!  She spends a majority of her day outside gallivanting around the neighborhood with other neighborhood cats, but then returns home in the evenings to a warm house, and a dish of food!  She has really started to warm up to us, and I would say she finally identifies as a member of the family!!

So that’s it!  We have covered every member of the Morgan clan.  That is, until we decide to muster up the confidence to leap into parenthood! Thank you for reading this long blog!!!

-The Morgans

Wedding Day Bliss

I figured since our wedding was so recently and definitely the happiest day of my life to date, that it may not be a bad idea to share the details of the day with those that might care! haha!  Erika and I got married on Friday September 23, 2016 here in Washington state, with our closest friends and family there to celebrate with us!  It was a cold and rainy morning (surprising, I’m sure, for Washington weather ;P ), and it started, for me, at 6:00.  My mom was the only other person awake in our house (my brother Jon, his wife, Erica-yes, we both married Erica’s, their son Jameson, and my mom were all in town and staying at our house for the week of the wedding), so I went into the room she was staying in,to finish up a little gift I had been working on for Erika.  I spent a little over a year writing her a letter a day into a journal, finishing with the morning of our wedding, and giving it to her on the night of our marriage.  And so that is what I had to finish that morning.  I was extremely calm, no longer nervous or anxiety ridden, but overwhelmingly emotional as I added my final words and thoughts to her as we left our engagement and entered our lifelong commitment to each other.  I remember my mom bursting through the door, because she had needed something from her room, and asking me “are you okay?”.  I thought “GET OUT OF HERE!”, but responded with a gentle nodding of my head.  I was taking in every emotion, feeling, and reflection from the past two and a half years of our relationship, and was annoyed that it was being interrupted.  (Sorry mom, it was me, not you).  Afterward, I tied the book together with string, hid it where Erika would definitely not find it (it was the same spot I had been hiding it for the last year and a half-a box in our closet that I knew she would never open), woke up my beautiful sleeping bride, and the excitement of the day began.  We showered, but then we went and grabbed my nephew, Jameson from my brother.  He was just three months old at the time, and literally the cutest little pudge ball you could possibly imagine.  We put him on our bed and spent a few moments of quality babble time with him, before we had to jump into the hustle of the day.  It was nice to take those few moments and just laugh with my fiance and nephew before allowing the chaos of the day to take over.  People were already in and out of the house, helping us load things into cars, grab essentials for the day, and shoving breakfast down our throats before heading to the venue.  It was a little crazy for a moment, but we were utterly grateful for every corner of the entire day.

We arrived to the venue where the hair and makeup artists had already arrived, and family members popped out of nowhere to help unload our cars as we ran to the bridal suite to get ready.  All of our girls (Maid of honor, bridesmaids, flower girls, etc) were there, there were mimosas and food, toys for the kids to play with, and our wedding coordinator flawlessly running around preparing our venue for the event ahead.  It was busy.  It was beautiful.  It was our wedding day!!!!!! And I was eerily calm.  I cannot explain the calm that washed over me.  It was truly surreal.  I had nerves that were practically suffocating me months and weeks leading to the day, but as soon as it arrived, I was the calmest I have ever been.

It had been raining the entire morning, and at one point our wedding coordinator said we needed to move the ceremony site, because it’s original location was much too muddy.  To me, nothing could alter the perfection of the day.  The ceremony site needed to be moved? No problem, Rachael (the coordinator), you put us wherever you see fit!  Oh, the bridal bouquets were not here and it was picture time?  No problem, grab some flowers out of the centerpieces for the reception tables-those outta do!  Nothing seemed to matter.  All of the planning of tiny details for the day just simply did not matter anymore.  The venue was beautiful, and nothing could “rain on our parade”.  Pun intended.  Much to our surprise, the rain stopped about ten minutes before we were to walk down the aisle. It was cold, but it was not raining.  In fact, we made it through the entire fifteen minute ceremony, and the twenty to thirty minutes of taking pictures after the ceremony without any rain.  It started raining again during the reception, but we were under a tent, so it truly did not matter at ALL.

The day could not have been more perfect.  Erika and I both sobbed walking down the aisle-something neither of us expected to happen, our dogs whined the entire ceremony (which was both adorable and suiting), and we had the best people with us to celebrate our love.  But to top off the entire evening, my brothers, Jon and Chad prepared and performed our first dance for us.  Chad was singing and Jon played the guitar.  It was so beautiful and special, and it just literally warms my heart when I think about what a gift that was and is.  I will stop babbling on about this beautiful day, but instead, I’ll insert some pictures that were captured of the day!  By the way, all of these pictures were taken by Kyle Goldie of Luma Weddings.  If you ever need a photographer-he is AMAZING!  Obviously! 🙂  Thanks for reading!  -Katie

img_1958

We are new to this blogging town!

Hello, readers-whomever you may be!  My name is Katie Morgan, and I am currently a housewife. Or, as I prefer to refer to myself- a stay-at-home dog mom!  I’ve decided to tackle this daunting idea of writing blogs, as I have this immense passion for writing (typically children’s stories, or nonsense journal entries), and thought maybe, just MAYBE somebody might have even the tiniest inclination to read anything I might write about.  So, here I am.

A few years ago I met my (now) wife while living a few hours south of her, and working for UPS.  I was newly sober (that’s a an entire story in itself), in this brand new and exciting relationship, working for a company I loved, living with an amazing roommate-even though she was deployed to Afghanistan for most of our time as roommates, I still loved the heck out of her.  And I had just been handed an exciting promotion for the company I loved, while living in my new home of Washington state.  I had moved to Washington a few months prior to all of these exciting things happening, and ultimately, I was just in love with my new life.  Only, after accepting this new promotion with UPS, I realized that maybe I hadn’t thought everything through.  My new girlfriend lived two and a half hours north of where I had accepted this job, my roommate was soon returning home from Afghanistan and had every intention of living with her boyfriend that she had started getting serious with just before deployment, and my girlfriend and I had been in the depths of discussing the seriousness of our own relationship.  I guess now would be a good time to name drop.  My roommates name was Emmy, and my girlfriends name was Erika.  There, now I don’t need to refer to them as “roommate”, or “girlfriend”, anymore!  So, anyways, eventually, Erika and I agreed that her selling or renting her house and moving down south to me, where we would only have to rent or buy another house just didn’t make a whole lot of sense given the seriousness and gravity of our relationship ( We knew pretty early on in our relationship that we were a forever kind of thing), and inevitably, I decided to reject the exciting job promotion and move in with Erika.  It was a HUGE deal, and a BIG move for our relationship, but I went on to marry her, so I’d say it was actually the best decision I’ve ever made! 🙂

After moving in with Erika, I decided to apply for an Aerospace program, that I was immediately accepted into.  It was the same program Erika had  gone to that paved the way for her current career as an Aerospace Mechanic.  I LOVED the program, and learned a LOT about Aerospace, and myself as I discovered just how much I loved the work I was doing.  Once I completed the program, I was overwhelmingly excited about following in Erika’s footsteps and having a similar career.  Only, after application upon application, and interview upon interview, I never got a job.  To this day, I have not been denied the positions, I just haven’t been selected for them, either.  That’s the ugly reality of applying for such a large company -it could take YEARS before your name is drawn.  After struggling for a LONG time with the idea of not finding a job that I was interested in, and adapting to being unemployed and a “housewife”, I have FINALLY accepted where I am at in my life.  It has been a long time coming, but I finally feel proud that I was the one that was able to put the tiny details of our wedding together during the year and a half engagement/wedding planning process.  And I am even more proud that I get to be home and care for our home, my wife, our dogs, our appointments, groceries, and everything else that comes along with “adulting”.

However, after eliminating some forms of social media from my life, and really digging into my love for writing, I decided “what the hell. Why not!” and decided to give this blogging gig a try.  I’m not sure anyone will ever read this, but if you do….WELCOME!  Hello!  And thank you for stopping by.  Eventually I will use this space to document our journey as a two-mom family as we try to conceive.  Maybe this space will be a place that other women will find and be able relate to our situation.  That would be wonderful!  Alright, that’s it!  Thanks again!

Katie